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Glory Greater Than Gold / Kimiko Hirai Soldati /
Leap of faith led 'control freak' to let go, let God
By DAVID BARRON
Staff
IN college, Kimiko Hirai Soldati was one tough athlete. She was a rock. She was
an island.
"I can remember in college telling people, `I don't have emotions,' " Soldati
said. "I thought emotions were for weak people, and I didn't need them. I was
strong."
She was good, too. Oddly enough, she excelled at a sport that reflected the
qualities she particularly disdained. The whole point of diving, after all, is
to take that daily leap of faith, over and over again, time after time.
Given her talent, it's not impossible that Soldati would have reached her goal
of competing at the Olympic Games without her conversion to Christianity in
2001. But it took a different sort of leap to send her to Athens with a smile on
her face and peace in her heart that will endure, regardless of whether she
returns with a medal.
Kimberly Mae Hirai - Kimiko is a family nickname - grew up in Colorado as the
daughter of a second-generation Japanese-American who was born in an internment
camp in Idaho during World War II. From the beginning, said her father, Gary
Hirai, she played to win.
"She was always high energy," he said. "She could never keep still. Very
competitive, and she hated to lose any game. We would play checkers until she
won, because she wasn't going to quit."
She competed in gymnastics but gave up the sport at 14 after suffering a torn
ligament and took up diving at her father's suggestion. She excelled at Colorado
State and Indiana University, where she met her husband, Adam, an assistant
swimming coach for the Hoosiers.
They were married in the spring of 2000. But practically as soon as she said, "I
do," she was gone - en route to The Woodlands to train with Kenny Armstrong, who
coached Laura Wilkinson to an Olympic gold medal in 2000.
"Adam was great from the start," she said. "He didn't view it as a negative that
I was so driven, and he helped keep things in perspective. But I needed a larger
intervention to change me from the inside out."
She became fast friends with Wilkinson, although she rolled her eyes at
Wilkinson's open profession of Christianity.
"I was very condescending," she said. "I thought, `That's good if you need it,
but I don't.' "
She learned about courage and stoicism from her mother, Judy, who died from
breast cancer in 1991, her daughter's senior year in high school. Judy Hirai
dealt with her illness by never complaining; Kimiko , however, chose to follow
that example by refusing to grieve for her mother, viewing it as a sign of
weakness.
"I thought I was being strong. I was such a control freak," she said. "I never
experienced peace. I was always striving and anxious and tense, and what I
wanted to accomplish was so important that it took over my life. Those
personality traits brought me a lot of success. But flip them over, and they
become liabilities. Nothing is ever good enough."
When Soldati decided in late 2000 to remain at The Woodlands, Adam quit his job
at Indiana and the couple moved in with family friends Don and Peggy Yarbrough
in Montgomery for several months. They enjoyed Texas, Kimiko 's diving improved
from working with Armstrong, and her hard-line attitudes about religion began to
soften.
"I had absolutely no upbringing in the church, and I can remember thinking, `I
don't need church. I don't need Jesus. I don't need God,' " she said. "At one
point, I was hostile about it."
She came to admire the Yarbroughs' quiet faith, however, and she and Adam
accepted their invitation to attend Ark Family Church in Conroe. It was there
they each took a different leap of faith that today defines their lives.
"It's the scariest thing I've ever done. I've had to admit that I'm not in
control and that I do need help," she said. "You have to be humbled to come to
that point in your life. But help is available. All you have to do is ask."
And so she asked, and accepted.
"It took a load off her," her husband said. "She didn't have to keep proving
herself. She knew God loved her, which gave her balance in her life. She looks
so confident and beautiful, but four or five years ago she had a serious lack of
confidence in herself. She was always great to be around, but there was that
internal struggle."
Soldati is not among the medal favorites in Athens and, at 30, she likely is
nearing the end of her diving career. Still, she will dive into the 2004
Olympics with zest, with gratitude and with a new perspective for an athlete
whose sport penalizes the safe route and rewards those who do the best job while
taking the most risks.
"Grace is unmerited favor. We can choose to take it or not to take it," she
said. "It was a hard concept for me, thinking that I had to earn and strive and
accomplish. But God's principles are upside down from what we think.
"He is offering perfect 10s. You just have to receive. You don't have to do
anything."
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